I make up reasons
to dial his number,
to say that I'm sorry,
or just to say goodbye,
so I can justify
this stupid decision
to myself once I've hung up
and thought it through.
I'll claim good intentions,
when really,
I just wanted to feel
close, wanted, and loved again.
I have no good intentions,
just selfish wishes
to rewind the time
for a few minutes.
Truth is,
I don't want to go back,
I don't want to restart,
I just want to feel that way
one more time.
And there's nothing in the world
that can make that okay,
and nothing I can tell myself
to ease my conscience.
So before I pick up the phone
and press that Green button
I think of what I'm doing
and who I'm doing it to.
I put the phone on the cradle,
and step away.
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This work by Lena Rigby is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
The Green button can be tempting at times- but only to console your hurting heart in the moment, only for the fleshly desires we have. Glad you are learning this lesson even though it hurts. I've said this to you before - but give it time... the longing will pass.
ReplyDeleteForget the "Green button" there are plenty of other buttons that go by other names and shades. There are plenty that don't even need to be pressed. Just be unabashedly you and leave the button pressing to someone else. I hope things get better soon. :)
ReplyDeleteIn other news: I'm back writing poetry (and things that look like poetry but aren't) talk to you soon.