Disorder

I starve myself
of every word
that builds my bones
strong with deceit
until I can see
my skeleton
through thin skin.
I throw up
every empty praise
and every lie
ever said to me
without sincerity
to purge myself
of the vanity that
hugs my frame.
I will become
a shadow of
who you've built me to be,
in order to die
to the "me" that requires
your words to survive.
Whether you praise or you judge,
you are unnecessary to me;
there's only One,
who has the perfect words.

Shine

No,
no longer do I subscribe
to the late night television guide
where I feed my mind
lie upon lie
only to get through another night
only to get by
without trusting in a Father's light
so bright
in my small, yet wide eyes
and I will call it like I see it.
A fear I hide
away like a small, silent cry
that I'd cry and cry
as every sense of security walked out of my life
and into the hands of a crafted lie
that I am nothing in His sight
but rejected.
And I will claim my right
in my Christ who abides
and never hides,
this love and knowledge of me, infinite
like an ocean tide
that sweeps aside
every father's sin, and father's lie
until I remove my eyes
from an image of pride
and see a Father who has never tried
to do anything but set me apart.
No,
no longer do I subscribe
to a late night television guide
filled with such a temporary guise,
a ruse disguised
as a love that just hides.
Real love doesn't hide,
it shines.

Liturgy

I am no longer my own, but Yours. 

Use me as You choose, 

rank me alongside whoever You choose;

put me to doing, put me to suffering;

let me be employed for You, or laid aside for You, 

raised up for You, or brought low for You;

let me be full, let me be empty;

let me have all things, let me have nothing; 

with my whole heart I freely choose to yield 

all things to Your ordering and approval. 

So now, God of glory, 

Father, Son and Holy Spirit, 

You are mine, and I am Your own. 

So be it. 

And the covenant which I have made on earth, 

let it be ratified in heaven. 

Amen. 

-- From the Valley of Vision Puritan Prayers

Smile

...And if you stop to think
about all the moments we smiled,
you'll see that this was worth
all the pain we'll feel for now.

Because the gifts you've given me
were of a heavenly calibre,
things I couldn't have dreamed of
or even have thought to ask for.

Though I may have failed to be
the one you'll be waiting for,
I know I gave the very best
of what I was able to give.

Even though we've lost so much,
along this road of misadventures,
I am thankful for the temporary joy
that I was allowed to feel.

That joy may not translate
into today, or tomorrow either,
but in the healing and the closer,
your memory will continue
to make me smile.

Please promise me you'll smile;
you never know what will happen when you do.

Immanuel

Oh Immanuel 
Your day has come 
to bring forth redemption 
to a people so corrupt. 
And though we knew, 
of Your presence forthcoming, 
we still ignore, still ignore, 
the greatest gift we've ever received. 
Let us raise a voice of praise, 
to the day the Word became Flesh, 
because we deserve nothing, 
yet were given a King, 
of heavenly glory. 
Our king,
Oh Immanuel. 


Isaiah 7:14
"Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel."

I Know I'll Repent of This in The Morning...

I have nothing more to say,
than this:

You saw my heart,
You knew my emotions,
You let them develop,
then you took it all away.
You've broken me,
to a point of confusion,
and I can't see You
or hear You
and I want You to know
that I'm not impressed.

You saw my fleece
and my honest cries
and you stomped all over it.
You saw us on the altar,
and our offering up to you,
and you provided no lamb.

In my anger,
I have nothing more to say than this.

Gideon

Here is my fleece,
on the ground,
in Your hands,
fully offered up.
Because I can't keep it.

Be faithful to me
Oh God.
Be faithful to me,
Oh God.
I need You.

Not tomorrow
not the next day,
now.

Here is my fleece.

Isaac

I remember an offering, 

not to many months ago, 

where I was offered up 

to atone for your mistakes. 

Twice I was put on that metaphorical altar, 

against my own will, 

(but yet so very willingly) 

and each time there was one result. 

And I prayed to a God

who allowed me no peace, 

but only allowed the remaining truth, 

that you were not to blame. 

The second time you saw me, 

broken for a crime you committed, 

your hands were no longer clean, 

and your heart was no longer locked up. 

So we prayed for redemption

and a healing of our scars, 

and your words became beautiful, 

and your heart became honest, 

while my words became strong, 

and my heart became forgiving. 

And something emerged 

from a box we had placed our God into. 

But now the altar is prepared again, 

a third and final time, 

but this time I am not bound alone, 

we are bound together. 

We offer up

our dreams and desires, 

our hearts and our lives, 

to a God who deserves all of it. 

And we trust in our Provider, 

since he knows our very souls, 

to remain faithful 

whether a lamb appears in the the thicket or not. 

Someone Else's Prayer (3)

Jesus,

I am sure of nothing

but this: 

The fact that I am desperate

for more of your truth, 

more of your Word, 

more of all that you are. 

I need nothing but to surrender 

to your will and your ways,

But my feet hesitate, 

and my hands slip, 

over and over. 

It seems the only thing 

I never fail at, 

is failing. 

But Jesus, 

I see your faithfulness, 

as a promise, as a truth, 

and I will believe. 

Though I hesitate, fall, and fail, 

I will believe. 

Such Praise

You hold me

like a mother holds a child

like a lover holds his wife, 

and I am fine. 

I am held, and I am fine. 

With your open arms 

I feel redemption. 

With your loving-kindness 

I feel chosen. 

You are mine, and I am yours. 

And when you watch me 

fall and cry and hope and rise, 

you know I love you still. 

This heart was crafted

to love you. 

Oh, such praise I sing. 

Stronger

You are stronger

than my weakness, 

You are stronger, 

than my pride. 

And though my life 

is always led to darkness, 

You're always the light. 

You've always been the light. 

Yes

"Do you love Me?"
I asked as you wiped your eyes.
You didn't understand my question
and you didn't see the point in an answer,
but you said, "Yes, I love you".
But when I pulled you through,
and picked you up,
you said your thanks and walked away.

Then I asked, "Do you love Me?"
after your cup had been filled,
and your joy had been renewed.
Your reply came in a rush,
"Yes, I love you".
But in your words I felt nothing,
and I realized that you weren't really talking to Me.
You were talking to yourself.

Finally I asked, "Do you love Me?"
as you handed me your heart,
surrendered your will,
and with an honest voice I heard,
"Yes Jesus, I love you".
As I cover you in my love,
I know that you now understand,
that nothing has ever separated us.

And nothing ever will.

Someone Else's Prayer (2)

Jesus, I invite you
to create Your chaos,
to reek Your havoc,
until all I can do is submit.
And from the very depths
of this weary and broken heart,
I ask you to push me into the fire,
knowing You mean to refine.
Because Jesus, until now
the only person I've been trusting is me,
the only person I've been believing is me,
and the only person I've been seeking
is me.
And in this blindness,
I can see nothing else properly
so show me Your mighty hand,
teach me the ways of Your will,
and help me to praise You
for the blessings that are often unseen.
Shake me of what I think I know,
and show me what to run after.
Oh Jesus, I invite you.
I invite you.

Without

Slow breaths of cold water
Dripping down the back of my throat
Filling my stomach,
overflowing into my lungs.
Only one clear thought
reaching me in the panic.

Without You, this is what I am.

Translucent skin hot in the sun
No radiance this time and
No bronze sun tan,
Just pools of cells at my feet.
I search for your face,
as I hear your voice in my ears.

"Without Me, this is your eternity."

Your Love To Fall

I scream at the sky,
to bring on the rain,
in sheets and floods,
to remind me of Your love.
Oh yes, Your rain reminds me of love.
How You fall all around,
how You cover the earth,
and how you restore creation.
Your love brings life,
to the muddiest of souls,
washing away the iniquity,
falling, falling like rain.
In all my life, in every way,
I will yearn for the clouds to cover,
And for Your love to fall.

Seas to Drown In

From Your hands the water flows,
like mercy into the darkest depravity,
kindly supressing the burning of sin,
gently healing the years of suffering.
To the ground the cares will fall,
like leaves from the fall trees,
like dust in a dry summer,
displaying a peace that surpasses words.
In the dark the light will shine,
through the souls of the faithful,
trading the sorrow for redemption.
Because really, what else could be sweeter?
Not the taste of honey on a bitter tounge,
but the taste of eternity,
salvation and grace,
to taste the flavours of life unending,
like nothing in this life.
From Your hands comes your love like seas,
ready, ever ready,
for me to drown in.