An Open Fist

My fist is clenched,
knuckles white, palms red,
and it's clear that I'm holding on.
Because if I don't,
I'll lose you to the wind,
lose you to the rain.

I'm tired,
of the give and the take,
the give and the take take take,
so I will keep you hidden,
from the One who always sees,
from a God who always sees.

And we sit and cry
as if the end has already come,
as if the wind and the rain have won,
but we've yet to step outside.
We compare, contrast, categorize,
making sense where there is none.

Our incapable hands,
will be chaffed and bruised
if we continue this foolishness.
And as much as my heart
wants to keep you tucked away,
I know if I do, I'll lose you indefinitely.

So stand with me,
and raise your hands.

Such Praise

You hold me

like a mother holds a child

like a lover holds his wife, 

and I am fine. 

I am held, and I am fine. 

With your open arms 

I feel redemption. 

With your loving-kindness 

I feel chosen. 

You are mine, and I am yours. 

And when you watch me 

fall and cry and hope and rise, 

you know I love you still. 

This heart was crafted

to love you. 

Oh, such praise I sing. 

Tongue Tied

There's a secret
that I hold inside myself,
about a darkness no one should see.
I long to tell you.
To open up these lips and let it run,
into your ears, into your heart,
but my lips freeze, my heart stops,
and I rationalize my cowardice.

You've got a secret,
that you're afraid to tell me,
about shame you've carried so long.
I long to hear it.
For you to unleash your tied tongue,
from it's bindings, from it's cage,
but you start and stop, start and stop,
and I sigh.

I start, you stop, I sigh.

In A Good Way

You ask me what I'm looking at.

I ask you the same question, 

every time your eyes focus in on mine, 

and I feel at home, yet so lost. 

"Lost," I promise you, 

"in a good way". 

Hot Coals

Well excuse me
for these pent up words
and my long winded laments,
for I have forgotten to realize
that you hardly care.

And pardon me,
for mentioning these memories I relive
retrace, reveal, remember,
for it is only now that I see,
that you don't think of me at all.

And how can you sleep
with the knowingness of guilt?
and how can you dream
when I can hardly shut my eyes?

You're still stopping and blocking, and locking me up.
You're pushing and pulling, and holding me down.
You're breathing and scheming, and feeding me lies,
You're unaware, godless, and convinced of my demise.

But do you not know me?
Do you not know who I am?
You have not chosen some small child
or some silent lamb, so easily led,
but rather a conqueror so bent
on seeing a heavenly, divine justice.
You owned the hand that fed me,
and it is your poison I now reject,
And as my teeth sink further into your flesh,
I can muster up nothing that looks like regret.

La La La

I sit under your eyes
like I would under the sunshine,
and I ask you so many questions,
all of which you have answers for.
It feels like I've never met you before,
and that I've known you all my life,
at the exact same time.

Call me crazy, if you want to
but also call me content.
Call me crazy, if you want to
but also call me afraid.
And call me crazy,
because maybe I am.

Stronger

You are stronger

than my weakness, 

You are stronger, 

than my pride. 

And though my life 

is always led to darkness, 

You're always the light. 

You've always been the light. 

Happy Day

It may as well be 

raining rainbows and sugar plums, 

because this day is like a dream-- 

a mixture of the whimsical 

and the sheer excitement found in hope.

And tomorrow may be the same, 

with clouds that look like cotton balls,

leaves that fly like birds, 

and a sun that lights everything up. 

You light everything up. 

Oh such joy!

Oh such joy.