I Wish These Words Were Mine Sometimes...

O LORD,
No day of my life has passed that has not proved me guilty in thy sight.
Prayers have been uttered from a prayerless heart;
Praise has been often praiseless sound;
My best services are filthy rags.
Blessed Jesus, let me find a covert in thy appeasing wounds.
Though my sins rise to heaven thy merits soar above them;
Though unrighteousness weighs me down to hell,
              thy righteousness exalts me to thy throne.
All things in me call for my rejection,
All thing in thee plead my acceptance.
I appeal from the throne of perfect justice
              to thy throne of boundless grace.
Grant me to hear thy voice assuring me:
              that by thy stripes I am healed,
              that thou wast bruised for my iniquities,
              that thou hast been made sin for me
              that I might be righteous in thee,
              that my grievous sins, my manifold sins, are all forgiven,
                     buried in the ocean of they concealing blood.
I am guilty, but pardoned,
        lost, but saved,
        wandering, but found,
        sinning, but cleansed.
Give me perpetual broken-heartedness,
Keep me always clinging to thy cross,
Flood me every moment with descending grace,
Open to me the springs of divine knowledge,
          sparkling like crystal,
          flowing clear and unsullied
               through my wilderness of life.

-- "The Broken Heart",  The Valley of Vision, Puritan Prayers

Here It Comes

And here it comes,
what I called for last night,
a begging of forgiveness
because I know my anger angers you.

But Lord, I can't smile,
I can't laugh. I sob.
Into pillows, into people,
into my own failing hands.

Show me a glimpse
of your purpose in this,
because the more I don't understand,
the harder it is to push through.

I will try to trust you Lord,
but trying is all I can do right now.

I'm sorry

The Sin Offering

You say the sacrifice has been brought,
The altar prepared,
And as the burnt offering smokes it's way to heaven,
You say the Lord is pleased.
In the next breath you take it back,
To say that the Lord is disappointed,
The way this lamb was offered,
Has brought the Lord to tears.
I am reminded of the leash on my neck,
Being dragged behind you,
The lamb, for the offering.
This sin had to be atoned,
And you can say that you are now forgiven,
But I am still spent and spilled,
All over this altar wood.
You said yourself that the Lord is displeased,
I would more than agree with you there,
Because I know my God would not delight in my sacrifice,
As much as you may have.
You may have learned something from this,
But I have learned something of limitless value,
And that is that no longer will I play the lamb,
I will not remain on your altar,
I will be used for nothing,
and God may forgive you,
But I haven't yet.