Someone Else's Prayer

. . . and Jesus,
how much will I forget
before I remember you?
How much longer will I run
before I chase you?
Because this apathy is losing its appeal,
and this complacency is wearing me thin,
and the things I hide in are exposing me.
I'm a fraud in this life
where I speak as if I know
but my heart doesn't know up from down.
I'm lying to you,
convincing you that everything is fine,
when you already know how far gone I am.
If you took me now,
you wouldn't recognize me, would you?
Jesus, this heart is sick of being sick
and you're the only healer.
This is a prayer for more than just redemption,
more than just revival,
more than just healing.
This is a prayer for everything you have.

RSVP

You look like
              someone just shot your puppy,
with eyes that are sad and droopy
              and your movements that seem so pained.

You're not angry yet
              but something tells me you will be.
Sooner or later, anger just becomes easy;
              easier than holding on, easier than letting go.

Tell me what it feels like
              to douse your heart in so much emotion,
that all you can do is walk around apathetic
              because to feel would be too much for you to handle.

You know,
             for someone as smart as you seem to be
you're really thick sometimes,
             because the only one you have to blame
is yourself.
          

Birthday

Her eyes are wax like the birthday candles
that usher her into a year of trepidation.
Only full of light when they're first struck,
and smouldering with black smoke
as soon as the snuff comes.

It's all so easy when nothing matters.

The love has drained from her hands and her feet
as if she was totally bled dry,
and in the morning she won't remember
the moments of pure serenity or
the days of triumphant victory.

It's all so easy when nothing matters.

From the pits of her stomach she yearns
for the feeling of resolve and restoration.
A soul-cry that goes unanswered
because those ears certainly don't hear,
and those eyes certainly don't see.

It's all so easy when nothing matters.

Out-of-sight-out-of-mind
is a lie we feed our fearful hearts
and she's a glutton over the deception
that she buys in excess and bulk.
Her death is knocking steadily at the door. . .

It's all so easy when nothing matters.