Make That 41

I've got a collection
of half-pages
maybe even 3-quarter-pages,
addressed to you.
I swear I must have 40 or more.
I start the same way,
with something funny,
hoping to get you smiling,
and then I start from the beginning.
I try to describe
what's been going on
and why I haven't told you before,
and what exactly my heart feels.
I try to be sweet,
I try to be poetic,
I try to say something
that won't sound ridiculous.
And it's when I get
to a certain point
that I read it all over,
judging every word,
erasing and rewriting,
trying to craft the perfect way
to say that